Over the last two months, I have heard from many people about Create Honesty and the adventure I’ve set out on.  It has all been positive or at the very least – neutral.  But I always seem to get the same question from people about what I’m doing – friends, family – even complete strangers.  Now the question tends to come with a mix of emotions behind it.  Some people are generally concerned for my well-being and curious about the company.   Some don’t understand how I could walk away from a career (and salary) I’d been cultivating for years.  Others are just plain old baffled, want the gossip, or are making conversation.   It’s a mixed bag.  

“How are you going to make money with this?”

This question used to cause my anxiety to go on overdrive.  My first reaction would be to justify my decision. I’d stumble over words and find “socially acceptable” answers to spout off.  I would then spend the time that followed beating myself up about the answer.  Why couldn’t I just say the real answer?

The thing is – I set out on this journey to change my life and the income was a secondary thought.  I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t scare the crap out of me.  BUT I knew that small changes weren’t going to make enough of an impact.  I had lost myself so completely that only a grand gesture was going to do the trick.  When you wake up in the morning – constantly exhausted, beaten down and wondering where the authentic version of you went – a small act is not going to cut it.  Plus, I had tried all the small actions – switching jobs, joining a gym, reading all the self-help books, etc. – and they didn’t work – at least not for me.  Plus, I had been debating for years whether the money, work and hours were worth it.  I wondered what was wrong me – that I couldn’t just see a job as a paycheck and disconnect at the end of the day.

The challenge was that I was forcing myself into a way of living that was not authentic.  There was always a small voice in my head reminding me something wasn’t quite right.  I just got really good at telling it to shut up.

I have spent the past months letting that voice get louder and louder.  And the outcome has been incredible.  I’m starting to feel like the version of myself that had been forgotten.  My sense of compassion for myself and others has increased – my passion for making this world a better place has returned – my self-confidence is increasing – on and on.  I know all of this will make me a better wife, mother, friend – a better ME.

Now, don’t misunderstand my statements as flighty or whimsical.  I’m not naive to the fact that we need an income.  But I was at a point in my life where the fear of NOT taking the risk outweighed the fear of debt.  I also knew that if I didn’t seize this opportunity – it may not present itself again.  I wasn’t willing to take the chance of completely losing myself.

Also, I am confident that the income will come in time.  But it will NOT be made by compromising my authenticity.

So the next time I get the question above – I will kindly explain that this journey is SO much bigger than money.  It is about reinvention, self-love, compassion and truly honoring myself by being authentic.  That answer may make some people uncomfortable or nervous.  I’ll just recommend they come along for the ride.  Who knows?  Maybe I’ll spark something that allows their authentic voice to come through, too.

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