Where to begin….[takes deep breath]

To “My Sunshine” –

Today is the first day you will spend out of my care.  A day that’s been looming in my mind since you came into this world.

The day that would simultaneously break me and help put me back together at the same time.

Right off the bat I want to say – I’m sorry.  I’m so sorry for taking you out of your daily routine and the comfort of my arms.  It’s all you’ve known for 10+ hours a day since you were born.  As this new day starts, a part of you is confused, scared and wanting me to come back.  We’ve rocked your little world and dropped you in a completely new one filled with unfamiliar sights, sounds, and people.  It will be hard but I promise you can do it.  And know this  – I will always come back.  I will be there at the end of the day to fold you back up in my arms.  You may not fully understand that yet – but you will.

These last few months have not been easy – a mixture of the greatest and most challenging days of my life.  Please know that during the challenging ones – the lowest of the low – you were my ray of sunshine.  You elevated me to a new level and made me a stronger person.  You helped redefine the meaning of the word “family” for me.  Now, let me help you to do the same.

Family does not always need to be those that are related to you.  Know that you are loved by your actual family but that you have also been given an extraordinary gift – the gift of learning that you can be loved by others, too.  We searched high and low for the perfect environment for you to transition into.  These amazing people will become an extension of your family.  You’ll learn that you can also depend on them for the cuddles, soothing and encouragement.

And although the thought of someone else performing these actions fills me with guilt – at times it feels so unbelievably selfish to leave you and return to my own daily needs –  I know it will make a world of difference for you…..for our family.  Please understand that I am empowered by my work and its a necessary thing for me to maintain a sense of self.  To keep hold of my identity and to show you the strength that my mother showed me growing up – instilling a strong work ethic and a sense of independence.

Most of all – please always know that you are loved and always at the forefront of my thoughts.

I will be constantly checking on you to ensure you’re adjusting in the best way possible.  The first weeks may be hard but I promise you that there will come a day that you will look forward to the time spent with your extended family.

With Unconditional Love,
Mom

 

2 replies
  1. Sarah Shields
    Sarah Shields says:

    Love it, Michelle. I know the feeling and struggle and guilt of wanting to be there and wanting to do something for myself. It’s a tough balancing act. Thanks again for such an honest post!

    Reply

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